Make your own omellete and eat it too!

Warning: Read only if you're as besotted with randomness as I am!

It's 11:30 PM now, and hunger, and the fact that Pizza Hut became Pizza Shut at 10:30 PM, shall soon drive me to the kitchen, where another omelette will join its predecessors in lining my arteries with cholesterol. Only this time it'll be different, this new "kid-on-the-block" will have an awe about it...

What does it take to create an extraordinary omelette? Foremost, Respect(with a capital 'R') as my mum's words rang in my ears. Never forget that you are planning on eating two of some hen's gametes(three actually, one of them accidentally slipped out onto the kitchen floor while me was tossing and twirling the mixing bowl in all his glory like me was the head chef at the Shangri La). Pouring beaten eggs into a frying pan and sprinkling it with 'chedded shreddar' cheese is the addition of an unwanted 'dis' to this most important of ingredients. Only slightly lower in the ingredient gradient is Olive Oil, one of those rare compounds that have been attributed cholestrol-shattering properties(why does chemistry haunt me even while I'm just making my first omellete?). The addition of Olive Oil to a particularly rich omelette is like praying before one's semester examinations -- it may not actually work, but it will give one a sense of spiritual comfort. Render unto me also two sprigs of Coriander leaf, and two small, green chillies -- of the toilet-paper igniting variety -- preferably chopped and with the stalks removed, and you won't regret it. If you live in places where said chillies are pickled and kept out of reach of children, add two of them, and pour in a few ounces of the pickling fluid itself to improve homogeneity and boost octane factors.

Add two pinches of salt and sufficient ground pepper to give the whole mixture a 5% grey-tone, and you're well on your way to making your presence felt when it comes to making "smacka-licious" omelletes(err..). If you have tomatoes, a few very small pieces will help too but I do not recommend tomatoes, which seem to be popular among the masses -- tomatoes make omelettes brittle(and heavy), and render flipping hazardous. Serve me tomatoes in my omelette only if the cautionary hand of Wisdom is forever at your shoulder, or if experience has left you scarred for life(never mind that. Just my pathetic habit of philosophising). Gimme onion instead.

Experience shall also teach you the right amount of milk (or better still, cream) to be added as you beat the eggs. Milk? Verily. Milk will make your omelette puffy, especially if your cover the pan as you fry(I avoid milk coz I loath plump stuff- books, people, girls and yeah, omelletes too! It also doesn't help that I HATE MILK!) For cheese lovers(which I'm not, except for the mozzarella vareity), I suggest 'common' Hamburger cheese. If you want your omelette to stink -- in more ways than one -- use other kinds. A slice is (or two are) to be placed judiciously on top after the bottom of the omelette turns golden. This leaves time for the cheese to melt to the perfect degree, before the bottom turns golden-brown. Then you fold the omelette, so that the cheese is on the inside....

The afterglow will take you as far as the 2AM rerun of "Rock Rules" on VH1. Watch Roger Waters(if he's happy) or hallucinate (if he's not) and be magnanimous in judging him -- if his life possessed the balance that your omelette does now, he'd not be singing hallucinatory songs and Wish you were here wouldn't have existed(that's another story, now). In hindsight, and especially after eating it, calling it an omelette will seem unfair. It's a piece of art. Following this up with some early-morning exercise, will keep you from dying for your art's sake.

If you've managed to read this far, I understand that either you were just too desperate to know how a guy could actually cook(which btw is the most ridiculous cliche I've managed to come across) or you've never made an omelette of your own!

In either case, I'm afraid you just wasted some precious moments of your life reading my first experience with those two gametes(or was it three?) which by the way, was way more complicated than it seems! (And what became of them can be seen right here!)

LET's OmelLETte baby!!