Are you the champion Procrastinator?

And I'm back!

Having lost all my traffic(not my archetypal pompousness!), it feeels good to see that my indomitable spirit is still alive, something which keeps me aboard besides the want of not wanting my blog to go down as yet another dormant collection of random rumblings. Its almost like starting afresh.

I've been meaning to write this , but I keep putting it off. There always seems to be something to stop me – something better or more important or easier to do.
Everybody is rushing to enter the contest to find India's biggest procrastinator. You subscribed to the offer too, didn't you? As an expert in the field, I will help you win the contest. Even if you are not Indian, just tell them you've been meaning to immigrate. That should actually win you some bonus points.
India is just teeming with procrastinators. Some delay roti, kapda, makaan. Some delay filing IT returns. Some even want to delay the elections.

Bah! Some people hold off on taking courses or changing jobs. Others delay household chores. Indians delay cleaning up and filing. They put off buying a car, washing the car, selling the car, and even learning to drive. Some even hold off on getting born (That was me. Sorry Mom.).
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. And many Indians have even eliminated that pesky last minute. Dr. Suraj Joseph(my keen partner and idol when it comes to the Art and Science of procrastination) explains, "It's a lifestyle choice. A professional procrastinator delays walking the dog until the last minute. By then he is busy holding off the lawn mowing. He'll never get to the mowing, even in the last minute, because he spends that last minute not cleaning up after the dog. With so much to delay, the last minute never arrives."

One contestant(from class) bought over Rs. 15,000 worth of software in the past two years "to help me with my computer, 80% of it is still unopened and or unused." It might help if he started by removing the computer from its packaging.
Another contestant(not from class, my class isn't as adept at procrastination as I am, you see) describes how "we go to our sadar bazaar bags to find what we need because we never put them away." I laughed at that one. I thought that was pretty funny. Ha ha ha. My Mom was not laughing. She pointed to the milk boxes piled high beside the door. "But those aren't sadar bazaar bags," I protested with all the conviction of a soggy noodle.
My Mom opened the fridge door. "We have soggy bread. And soggy apples. And soggy turnips. We have a soggy collection. Think it might be time to stop your procrastination and clean the fridge?" Sigh. Master procrastinators are rarely appreciated.
Procrastination has some interesting side effects. A professional procrastinator always marvels at how clean the restrooms are at service stations.
A true procrastinator never gets his Christmas tree up before Christmas. Unless it's still there from last year, of course. Some try to get it down before March arrives, but that calendar always moves so fast!
A skilled procrastinator always reads her mail – but only after the postman comes up to her apartment to complain. One contestant finally emptied her mailbox to find mail from six months earlier.
A determined procrastinator goes several years without pouring his own bathwater or putting out his own garbage. After a while, the community gets involved.
No true procrastinator shovels snow. The snow will hopefully melt in a few months...hopefully.
Even with talented contestants, you can win this contest if you don't try hard enough.
I thought about entering the contest myself. I could delay college graduation by several years. I have a dozen books still sealed in plastic covers. I have a bed to be set, hair to be combed, assignments to be made, projects and reports to be submitted and a "six feet frame" to be cleaned(I'm not all mouth and no trousers, when it comes to procrastination atleast, as you just saw, yet again.)
I was just about to enter the contest, when I came up with an ingenious way to disqualify myself. I offered to put up this open-for-all contest! Now, some credit is due to the person who helps in finding out the nation's best procrastinator. Or maybe not!

With me out of the race, this might finally be the contest you can win. You see, I know a little secret about all the contestants – a fatal flaw that makes every one of them vulnerable. Nobody can legitimately win this year's contest ...unless they enter next year.
Technical notes: To make this note on procrastination authentic, I attempted to withhold it. But my blog gave me "The Frown". If you ever saw The Frown, your boots would still be trembling.
So I decided to submit the post bereft of newer instances of my self-proclaimed-and-attained 'Everest-ine' levels of procrastination. Surely that qualifies as procrastination. But this time my blog gave me "The Double Frown". That sent shivers down through my toenails(which I now remember are still pink from Holi colour!).
I considered sending my post in one word at a time, with each letter cut from a newspaper or magazine like a painfully long ransom note. But my blog told me about its emergency "death ray" frown, so I gave up.
But wait! You can make this true procrastination by not reading any more until next year. Stop reading. If you are still reading, you are failing to procrastinate. Stop now. If you are not reading this sentence, congratulations – you are a champion procrastinator.
Stop, I said. No.. NO!! You can't beat me!! NO!!

And last to last but not in the least, the most useful gyan for the quarter(1st April - 9 December= roughly a quarter, not to be misconstrued with volumetric evaluations, I'm a teetotaller)..

"Watch out for "spam" mobile network messages which say 'Hello! Make new friends with Voice Chat service', for you never know."
Awesome words, I say(Yeah, I did). You'll thank me.

AND, finally the time has come when mighty Zeus and the folk that sit atop the Olympus have conspired to allow me to walk the beaches of the 'parody-siacal' land called Goa(everyone suffers from a bout of procrastination, you see). Fr. William Robert Lyons would turn in his grave if he were to learn that we're traversing half the country in a rotten train that takes 40 hours(no regrets!) to reach Goa to participate in BITS Goa's inter-college football tournament.

O Goa, aqui eu venho!

Adios!

Cut me deep and I bleed RED!

No words can describe what I felt when I saw Ole Gunnar Solskjaer wave goodbye to Man United. It gave me goosebumps, it brought tears to my eyes, yet at the same time, a proud feeling of having witnessed the 20LEgend play at the Theater of Dreams.

I used to be a casual football fan, with no loyalties per se till this happened.
It was back in 2000 while watching the daily sports bulletin that I first saw glimpses of the game Man United played within the hallowed confines of Old Trafford as well as beyond them. United has just won the European Cup, beating Bayern Munich in what had been an outstanding game of football and more importantly displayed the spirit with which the game is played at United. And history has it that it was Ole who came on as a late sub and scored what was his most important goal ever.
That had me hooked.
Well, you could say that it was akin to having a crush on the first girl you saw when you moved to a co-ed school from an all boys school but it could also be called love at first sight. That is what it has been for me. Watching the weekend games that came before the as frequently held Monday tests, week in and week out.. buying Man United books, stickers, shirts, jackets.. its just a part of it all but true love for United is more than just this and it stems from the professionalism, the passion and above all, the loyalty in the air that surrounds the red part of Manchester. For me, its the can of oxygen that I must buy to live a hundred years. I am sure, if Mozart had seen us play, he would've been inspired to compose a whole opera on us!

What I have seen all these eight years is that there are greater values of real life in the beautiful game and that is what United is all about. The real thing about Manchester United which sets it apart is that it stands for something more than any person, any player, any supporter. It is the soul of a sporting organisation, which goes on season after season, making history all the time!

And, you know when you're a true Mancunian:
You try to explain the greatness of Man Utd even to those people who don't even know the basic rules of football(happens everyday). You watch United do the double even if you have the worst possible paper the next morning and don't mind scoring a 47 in it! Even your Mum, when out to buy you a bag ensures that its got nothing to do with any of your rivals(happened just some time back!). You force yourself on your kid sister to be able to watch the United play even on her birthday(happened sometime in October!)! While watching the Flag show at an Iron Maiden concert, you wish you also get to see a MUFC flag. You like to wake up to "glory glory Man United.." People know when to avoid talking to you, when your team drops points. Its just impossible to ignore the odd looking stranger wearing the Red Devils' jersey...

Sir Alex, widely regarded as the best manager of all time and the individual who can be credited for making United stronger by the day continues to reign, unscathed by the wheels of time. That is where loyality starts, right at the top. His no-nonsense attitude, shrewd tactics and excellent eye for young talent are as famous as his 'fairly' (in)famous hairdryer treatment. United owes a lot to SAF and it'll be a sad day when he hangs up his boots.

Roy Keane once said about Eric Cantona, "Collar turned up, back straight, chest stuck out, he glided into the arena as if he owned the fucking place. Any arena, but nowhere more effectively than Old Trafford. This was his stage. He loved it, the crowd loved him." That is what the imposing structure of the Colloseum-like Old Trafford and the 75,000 odd die hard loyal supporters of the club does to you! This is where uncut jewels are transformed into real diamonds. Indeed, its the Theater of Dreams.

The torchbearers of this legacy come from within the system. They aren't poached from Spain and left to "walk alone" after some time. They aren't all members of the French National team and they definitely aren't bought using the Russian rouble! Indeed, the core of the United is still English. And that our first team comprises of products from our youth system is testimony to that fact.
Beckham, Giggs, Scholes, the Nevilles, Nicky Butt, all grew up together at Carrington and went on to represent United and even England.

Rio has grown into a world class player. Rooney, who gets better every season. And always learns to do more, more than just score. He’s deadly in the box, but most of all he’s growing in to the role of a player who can cover the whole pitch wisely. Not like in his first years years at Old Trafford when he ran over the whole ground and one wondered why he was at that spot now. Ronaldo was a talent. Nothing more. An expensive talent. Fergie made him the world’s best player. Looking even further back, Ruud was a talent. He became world’s deadliest striker at Old Trafford. Performing well in the Netherlands doesn’t make you a worldwide fear, just look at Robben's performance at Madrid. Giggs was a talent. Fergie made him good enough to play all the matches he has for us.No one knew who Vidic was, today he’s among the world’s defensive elite, together with Rio and Neville. I could go on for hours with more examples. Fact is, we buy young talents and grow them, turn them in to world’s best. That’s when the Abramoviches, the Mourinhos and the Calderons come into play : they want to buy the best players. We make them. Young talents at Chelsea fail. And when Ince, Staam, Beckham and Ruud turn to Madrid, its not because they want to, its because SAF decides its in in our interest.

From the treble in '99 to the disappointments at the hands of Arsenal and Chelsea, from the fallouts of Keane, Beckham and Nistelrooy to the rise of Rooney and Ronaldo, and the emergence of a new, vibrantly young United and most recently, the double in '08, its been a wonderful journey and its sure to continue for ever!

I feel close to the rebelliousness and vigour of the youth at OT. Time won't separate us and nobody can deny that here, behind the windows of Manchester, there is an insane love of football, of celebration and of music.
United until death!

Ciao!

P.S. Visit manutd.com ! ;-)